~Footprints of my Life~

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed the set of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, you 'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troubled times of my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why you would leave me when I needed you most."

The Lord replied,"My child. My precious child. I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

~Footprints of my Life~

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Looking Back

After days of having problems with blogger (grr....), I finally managed to change back my template to its original...yay!

I know this is a little late but the ling gan to write something about the past year only came now...ha

2006 is a special year for me. It was a year where I experienced the worst and was almost on the verge of depression but it was also the sweetest because from this low period, I was able to experience a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and know the significance of the cross. If there was something that I could use to describe 2006, it would be the phoenix because this bird dies in the flames of fire........only to be reborned - this time more beautiful and more magnificent than the last - and takes off from the raging flames to lead a new life. I also got to go to Xiamen for the Choir Olympics - which was really a dream come true for me. Ironically, I also quit choir in the same year - something that I never thought that I would be able to do.

My CCL tutor, Ananthi gave us a slip of paper titled 'Thoughts from the past" for us to fill in the blanks. What an incredible way to kickstart the semester....it was funny and even touching to hear how my other classmates overcomed and learnt from the hurdles they faced in the past. And that gave me the 'ling gan' to write about an extended version of my 'Thoughts from the Past' here.

My happiest moment last year was going to Xiamen to participate in the Choir Olympics. Indeed, going overseas for a choral competition was something that I had always dreamt of but this dream was always thwarted by a lack of funds. And taking part in a choral competition meant that all the members of the choir have to go together and this made it even more difficult on the financial aspect. But last year, the choir committee managed to obtain a 70% grant from NTU! I can still remember the reaction that the committee had towards this news last year....everybody was just simply ecstatic! It was a dream one year in the making and it had come true... thank God... =)

The biggest problem I had last year was not knowing God personally.
I had already re-accepted Christ and I know about Jesus but I didn't know how he could be part of my life. Pastor Wesley introduced me some verses in the Bible and said I have to memorise them. I had no idea why I needed to do that did but I still did because I was scared of him (opps) :P. My faith was anything but strong. I viewed caroling sessions and gathering with friends as being more important than attending church. I didn't pray. The Bible was something that I couldn't envision myself reading because I felt that there were many other better things to do and besides, the Bible was boring!

It was about 9 months (since Aug '05) after I had reaccepted Christ but I knew nothing about living like a Christian. I felt no different from the days when I still a non-Christian. For those 9 months, I suffered terribly. Because I still did not have God in my life, I had a low self-esteem, so those feelings of jealousy and lousiness were still very prevalent in my life and I can't tell you how many times I actually wept over those stupid feelings that I had. I was miserable and I constantly looked to other people and things to fill the emptiness that I felt. But honestly, that did little to help because people are ultimately still....humans and they sin too, just like me.

Just like the Israelites in the Bible, I am also a 'stiff-necked' person. Looking at the description of my life above, I clearly needed help.. And the first step to ask for help was to pray but I didn't want to because I felt that it wouldn't really help anyway and besides I couldn't see God, so what could he probably do? I had better settle the things myself, at least I can control that! And so I thought that I was smarter than God and did things my way, according to my will. This continued until.........something happened and this was the turning point in my life.

All these while, I thought that it was just what I needed. I got what I wanted and it did made me happy, but only for a little while. But at the back of my mind, I knew it had to end and I ended it. My life came to a standstill and I screamed to myself, "Just what is it that you really WANT?! You finally got what you wanted and you blew it away!!"

The next night, I finally made my first serious prayer... in tears.
Lord,
I don't know what I want anymore. I have made a mess out of things and I have let people down. Oh Lord, please give me the strength and courage to face up to the mistakes I have made!

And God was faithful. He really helped me through. How? At this low period, a friend lended to me the Purpose Driven Life. (why did this book appear at that time?) In my previous entry, I had said that this was a good book. Yes, it's true that this is a good book but give me this book maybe say like a year ago and I can honestly say that this book would be as boring as the Bible to me. This time round, it was clearly not the book but rather it was the Holy Spirit working in me, helping me to understand each and every word. Previously, I had always blocked God from of my life because I thought I knew better but now my pride was broken and I recognised that I had to humbly invite Him into my life to help me with it.

I finally understood that God will not disappoint and He will make tremendous changes in your life for the better if only you would allow him to. And so I began a wonderful relationship with Lord Jesus Christ. I finally saw my purpose and I finally made sense of those seemingly random and senseless things that happened to me in the past - be it good or bad. After I finished PDL, I was still apprehensive about whether I could read the Bible everyday. I mean afterall, I have tried reading it in the past and it was really boring to me. But again, he has shown to me that 'I can do all things through him who gives me strength (Phil 4: 13)'. It has been 6 months after reading the PDL and I have been reading the Bible faithfully everyday for these past 6 months and no, I don't find it boring anymore!

If you read my previous entries, you will realise that problems still occur in my life even after I have a personal relationship with Christ. I recognise that and I know problems will still come in the future. But the difference now is that I have Christ to share my problems with and I know that for every problem that I face, God uses that problem to shape me into the person that He wants me to be. So there is a purpose even for the problems I face now!

I used to wonder why I was placed here on planet earth

but now I know I am here for His glory.

For years I worried about whether I was going to stay single

but now I have learnt to put things into His hands.

My biggest wish used to be to become a star, a broadcaster so that I can be popular;

today it is to become the best teacher that I can be and to glorify the One who made me.

Only God can make such a change in me.

MaRGaReT left her footprint @ 3:41 PM